Granddaughter- overseas school

Hotsoapywater

Well-known member
My granddaughter is 13. She has always been interested in her Austrian heritage and over the years, been with me and my mother back to my old school in Austria.

It has been a conversation in my family since she was 7 years old that she was interested in going to school in Austria.

Since lockdown, she has become increasingly interested in going to Austria as she has regular contact with her cousins who have been at the same school. She would live with my brother, his wife, their three girls, and my dad.

My daughter, her mother is keen, my son in law however, is less keen. Her grandad, is on the side of my son in law. We are not at stand off stage, but what do you think?

I can talk my husband round - this is not an issue. However, my son in law is digging in his heels. I have the utmost respect for my sil yet I can't help but feel he is doing his daughter a disservice by denying her this opportunity.

WWYD?
 

mamabear

Well-known member
I think if she wants to go she should be allowed, but unfortunately your son in law is her parent, you’re not. I’m not sure what your family setup is, but in the vast majority of families the parent trumps the grandparent.
 
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Hotsoapywater

Well-known member
I think if she wants to go she should be allowed, but unfortunately your son in law is her parent, you’re not. I’m not sure what your family setup is, but in the vast majority of families the parent trumps the grandparent.
Thanks, mamabear.

You've made a good point and I'm keen not to overstep the mark with my Son in law.

That said, in Austria, children's education is discussed with grandparents as we do tend to live together, particularly in farming communities which is my background. So it is important for her that she is listened to. It is where two cultures collide.
 

Speluncean exploring

Well-known member
That’s a decision for her parents and her to navigate, in my opinion.

I wouldn’t be happy for my 13 year old to move away and go to school abroad.

Sorry.
 

Speluncean exploring

Well-known member
Also, you do know that if she goes abroad for school and wants to come back here for university, she might have to pay overseas fees, dependent on the arrangements post-Brexit?


Also this line bothers me:

I can talk my husband round - this is not an issue




That is so so wrong. I really feel quite sick at the idea of you putting so much pressure on your husband to bend him to your will.
 
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Hotsoapywater

Well-known member
Thanks for input.

Just to clarify. I'm not 'trying to send my granddaughter abroad' this has been an ongoing discussion since she was 7 and a place at a summer school for four years there.
 

quirky

Well-known member
What school year is she?

I would say if she is going into year 10, it is not a good time due to the possible differences in curriculum.

If year 9, I think it would be a fantastic opportunity.

My neighbour sent both her kids to stay in America for a year, with friends, where they were schooled.
They have made life long friends that they still visit, their education did not suffer. They, now older, are grateful to their parent's for their year out.

I hope your son-in-law can see the benefits and change his mind, especially as his daughter is keen.
 

Speluncean exploring

Well-known member
Thanks for input.

Just to clarify. I'm not 'trying to send my granddaughter abroad' this has been an ongoing discussion since she was 7 and a place at a summer school for four years there.

But you are. You’re clear that it’s what you want. And you’re “talking your husband round”.

That’s pressure and she will know what your view is. It really shouldn’t be for you to have an opinion on - she’s 13. Her place is at home, with her parents - I’m totally against boarding school and I’d be even more against sending her to live with an established family group of cousins where she will be the only non-family child.

Plus. One of her parents says no. And that no trumps everything else. No plus yes equals no in these type of decisions.


I’m actually upset on your son in laws behalf. I have had this type of thing done to me by my ex’s family - bending me to their will - and it is absolutely HORRIBLE.
 
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Hotsoapywater

Well-known member
Also, you do know that if she goes abroad for school and wants to come back here for university, she might have to pay overseas fees, dependent on the arrangements post-Brexit?


Also this line bothers me:

I can talk my husband round - this is not an issue




That is so so wrong. I really feel quite sick at the idea of you putting so much pressure on your husband to bend him to your will.
Thats interesting, Speluncean. That you've translated my sentence into 'bending him to my will'

Thanks for the link, we are aware yes.
 

LadyMuck

Well-known member
I have nothing against boarding schools, going abroad for schooling etc in principle. But it has to be a decision for the parents, made taking into account the child’s wishes. I’m sorry this isn’t the tip on persuading your son in law that you probably hoped for.
 
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Hotsoapywater

Well-known member
What school year is she?

I would say if she is going into year 10, it is not a good time due to the possible differences in curriculum.

If year 9, I think it would be a fantastic opportunity.

My neighbour sent both her kids to stay in America for a year, with friends, where they were schooled.
They have made life long friends that they still visit, their education did not suffer. They, now older, are grateful to their parent's for their year out.

I hope your son-in-law can see the benefits and change his mind, especially as his daughter is keen.
Thanks, quirky. Yes, she is year 9 this year. The lockdown has prevented her going to summer school this year. The school is an international one and it is the US curriculum and she would attend until 18 years of age.

I agree that it would be a fantastic opportunity for her. My son in law would prefer her to go at 16 where she could then transfer to the AP American system at 16.

Ultimately, it is her parent's decision at this stage and naturally I and my husband respect their decision. My husband agrees with my sil although he does recognise that the benefits for her are strong.

Well, what else is talking him round if it isn’t putting pressure on him til he gives in and agrees with you for the sake of peace?
Because that is not how our marriage works. This is about a child's education not me bending my husband to my will. Or my son in law. I would never overstep the mark with him or my daughtet in law and any of my grandchildren's parents. We are a close knit family and just as my son in law' s decision in his daughter's education trumps anything I say, he is a sensible and bright man who listens to his daughter and his wife.

I'm for her going - but it doesn't involve a family row whereby I've tied up my husband and sil in a corner and they have no say in this matter.

She wouldn't be a boarder - she would be a day student and live with my brother, his wife and her cousins which is my childhood home.

This is a small international school.

It is interesting that the first conclusion is that it is a boarding school.

It is a small international school of 150 students from over Europe and is close to our family home in a bus ride - she has attended summer school there since she was 7.

I have nothing against boarding schools, going abroad for schooling etc in principle. But it has to be a decision for the parents, made taking into account the child’s wishes. I’m sorry this isn’t the tip on persuading your son in law that you probably hoped for.
I think you've got the wrong end of the stick. I wasn't hoping for tips on persuading my son in law.
 
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Hotsoapywater

Well-known member
What an amazing opportunity! I wonder what the SIL reasons are. Very impressed a 13 would be keen on it.
My SIL is very close to his daughter and he is a sensitive man when it comes to his daughter. He works away all week and he has openly stated that he would struggle with her not being at home for the long term.

She wants to go as she has spent 7 years at summer school at the school. She has also travelled to Austria by herself since she was 9. She is very close to her cousins and my family as well as her dads family. Her paternal grandparents are involved in these discussions too.
 

Mary

Well-known member
I also think it's an amazing opportunity. I would have loved the chance to do something similar. It's also such a good age to connect properly with the other part of her background. I used to work in Austria regularly (rural Styria region) and loved my time there.

It's a shame her father isn't considering it. And I would know it's none of my business, but part of me would boggle a bit at the idea of him missing her too much, when he only sees her at weekends anyway. Of course he will miss her, so will everyone else. But it's sad that her father's feelings trump her own. Would is be possible for her to fly home for the weekend once a month or something? And then again in holidays? So she wouldn't actually be away for much of the time he is home.
 
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Hotsoapywater

Well-known member
I also think it's an amazing opportunity. I would have loved the chance to do something similar. It's also such a good age to connect properly with the other part of her background. I used to work in Austria regularly (rural Styria region) and loved my time there.

It's a shame her father isn't considering it. And I would know it's none of my business, but part of me would boggle a bit at the idea of him missing her too much, when he only sees her at weekends anyway. Of course he will miss her, so will everyone else. But it's sad that her father's feelings trump her own. Would is be possible for her to fly home for the weekend once a month or something? And then again in holidays? So she wouldn't actually be away for much of the time he is home.
Thanks, Mary.

It is the school I attended as my mother wanted me to be educated in English.

With her dad, I think it is the thought of her not being there when he comes home. She has been with me for a week and she went home last night as her dad is home on Thursday to Sunday and they're having a family meeting with his parents tonight. I accept that it is a huge decision for my daughter, him and my grandson also (he is 6), my daughter, her mum is very keen as she went there from 16-18.

She would come home for holidays, Christmas and the summer holidays are for three months so she would be away for 9 months.
 

Speluncean exploring

Well-known member
I didn’t say it was a boarding school. What I said was

- I’m totally against boarding school and I’d be even more against sending her to live with an established family group of cousins where she will be the only non-family child



I understand it is not a boarding school, I was comparing it to boarding, as she will be living apart from her own parents.
 
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Hotsoapywater

Well-known member
I didn’t say it was a boarding school. What I said was

- I’m totally against boarding school and I’d be even more against sending her to live with an established family group of cousins where she will be the only non-family child



I understand it is not a boarding school, I was comparing it to boarding, as she will be living apart from her own parents.
She stays with my brother and his wife every year when she attends sumner school at the school. We also have my nieces here regularly, lockdown aside. I usually take my grandchildren for a month in the summer holidays home, we have a Pension and i help out in the summer to give my brother and his family a break.
 
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