The mental health and wellbeing thread

Cinders

Well-known member
I have just ordered one of those lamps for SAD. I have been considering getting one of these for years, but now I am WAH I think it will be ideal. I can set it up beside my laptop. They have really reduced in price and size since I started looking at these years ago. Anyone else got one?

I have also bought these, probably a placebo, but reviews are good. I saw they had won some kind of health award.

 

NotSorry

Well-known member
SAD lamp sounds like a good idea

I keep waking up feeling anxious, not sure why - need to listen to my meditation tracks every day
 

DinosaurChickens

Well-known member
Counselling undid me. I was asked to 'revisit' things in the past and then left high and dry with the demon cell door wide open and nobody willing, able or confident enough to help me deal with the stuff that I unleashed into my NOW life.

I have an old history of physical abuse that at times made me think I might actually be accidentally killed. I have very big issues trusting strangers and authority and a startle reflex that is hair trigger. Just the toaster popping or the postman knocking sends my shoulders into my ears and makes my stomach lurch and my adrenal system fires me into run or fight type brain scenario, several times a day just by ordinary things happening. It's debilitating and embarrassing.

Does anyone normal find they are holding their breath and lurking at the far end of the room when the phone rings? It's bonkers and yet I can't switch it off or control it, it just happens and has been happening for a long time.

I've just had a letter this week to say my case has now been referred to specialist therapy for someone with aspergers and trauma. It has taken four years for me to get through the system to the right people to help me with the all these left over physical and mental issues.

A lot of my issues have been put down to being on the spectrum, obviously not all are, but it's been difficult for MH people to isolate these things when they just tend to see 'the aspergers person' and treat or don't treat accordingly.

What did not help at all and made things very much less manageable was discussing what happened in gory detail and then walking back into life alone and unsupported. Things got a lot worse after that, not better.

I'm very nervous because I have had so much failure on this so far, but I'm really hoping that someone is going to be able to help me effectively brain train to switch off the flight or fight that has become an uncontrollable state of bodily reaction to unexpected people, situations and noises.

I'd really like to break free from the prison of having an automatic terror reaction to what are and should be very normal life scenarios. I am a meditator and have done yoga for years, but what happens to me is a bit like what and how you'd feel if you had a large spider thrown on you whilst meditating.

Unexpected people or noises for me, is the large and unexpected spider on the yoga mat, daily, several times a day sometimes.
It's why I am now self employed and work in isolation at home. I can only keep my unwanted and unneeded fear reactions at a physically and mentally manageable level by sheltering myself from strangers and unexpected stuff. I am basically a self imposed hermit.

Which is tough, but it works whilst nothing else is yet. I am hoping the none talking PTSD treatment is going to work and help my brain and body get down to a mild panic instead of a wildly horrible feeling over reaction.
 

IdleWorm

Well-known member
Counselling undid me. I was asked to 'revisit' things in the past and then left high and dry with the demon cell door wide open and nobody willing, able or confident enough to help me deal with the stuff that I unleashed into my NOW life.

I have an old history of physical abuse that at times made me think I might actually be accidentally killed. I have very big issues trusting strangers and authority and a startle reflex that is hair trigger. Just the toaster popping or the postman knocking sends my shoulders into my ears and makes my stomach lurch and my adrenal system fires me into run or fight type brain scenario, several times a day just by ordinary things happening. It's debilitating and embarrassing.

Does anyone normal find they are holding their breath and lurking at the far end of the room when the phone rings? It's bonkers and yet I can't switch it off or control it, it just happens and has been happening for a long time.

I've just had a letter this week to say my case has now been referred to specialist therapy for someone with aspergers and trauma. It has taken four years for me to get through the system to the right people to help me with the all these left over physical and mental issues.

A lot of my issues have been put down to being on the spectrum, obviously not all are, but it's been difficult for MH people to isolate these things when they just tend to see 'the aspergers person' and treat or don't treat accordingly.

What did not help at all and made things very much less manageable was discussing what happened in gory detail and then walking back into life alone and unsupported. Things got a lot worse after that, not better.

I'm very nervous because I have had so much failure on this so far, but I'm really hoping that someone is going to be able to help me effectively brain train to switch off the flight or fight that has become an uncontrollable state of bodily reaction to unexpected people, situations and noises.

I'd really like to break free from the prison of having an automatic terror reaction to what are and should be very normal life scenarios. I am a meditator and have done yoga for years, but what happens to me is a bit like what and how you'd feel if you had a large spider thrown on you whilst meditating.

Unexpected people or noises for me, is the large and unexpected spider on the yoga mat, daily, several times a day sometimes.
It's why I am now self employed and work in isolation at home. I can only keep my unwanted and unneeded fear reactions at a physically and mentally manageable level by sheltering myself from strangers and unexpected stuff. I am basically a self imposed hermit.

Which is tough, but it works whilst nothing else is yet. I am hoping the none talking PTSD treatment is going to work and help my brain and body get down to a mild panic instead of a wildly horrible feeling over reaction.
That sounds so hard, I’m sorry you’ve got that to deal with.
 

DinosaurChickens

Well-known member
That sounds so hard, I’m sorry you’ve got that to deal with.
Thanks Idle Worm and this is going to sound minimizing, but I am honestly so used to feeling like this that I just find ways to live around it and I do have a largely happy and good life by managing the situations that make things less good. I'm not in any actual danger these days and haven't been for a long time, this stuff is just left over residual brain crap that I haven't found a way of shutting off yet.

It's so brain oriented that I would liken it to epilepsy or something like that, where I just had to find ways to live around what my brain is doing that I can't control or stop.

Yes it makes a normal life impossible, but it does not make a good and happy life impossible and I have plodded with the NHS to get myself treated, as hermit living is not ideal.

But at the same time it is also by no means a bad thing or awful for me, if anything I feel privileged to be able to give myself a manageable scenario and not be forced out into the world any more than is necessary.

I'm quite lucky really and very glad to have the people that I have in my life helping me to keep things manageable. NHS is very slow, but it's also dealing with a lot of broken people who need help to not give in and end things. I am not there.
 

lifestooshort123

Well-known member
Counselling undid me. I was asked to 'revisit' things in the past and then left high and dry with the demon cell door wide open and nobody willing, able or confident enough to help me deal with the stuff that I unleashed into my NOW life.

I have an old history of physical abuse that at times made me think I might actually be accidentally killed. I have very big issues trusting strangers and authority and a startle reflex that is hair trigger. Just the toaster popping or the postman knocking sends my shoulders into my ears and makes my stomach lurch and my adrenal system fires me into run or fight type brain scenario, several times a day just by ordinary things happening. It's debilitating and embarrassing.

Does anyone normal find they are holding their breath and lurking at the far end of the room when the phone rings? It's bonkers and yet I can't switch it off or control it, it just happens and has been happening for a long time.

I've just had a letter this week to say my case has now been referred to specialist therapy for someone with aspergers and trauma. It has taken four years for me to get through the system to the right people to help me with the all these left over physical and mental issues.

A lot of my issues have been put down to being on the spectrum, obviously not all are, but it's been difficult for MH people to isolate these things when they just tend to see 'the aspergers person' and treat or don't treat accordingly.

What did not help at all and made things very much less manageable was discussing what happened in gory detail and then walking back into life alone and unsupported. Things got a lot worse after that, not better.

I'm very nervous because I have had so much failure on this so far, but I'm really hoping that someone is going to be able to help me effectively brain train to switch off the flight or fight that has become an uncontrollable state of bodily reaction to unexpected people, situations and noises.

I'd really like to break free from the prison of having an automatic terror reaction to what are and should be very normal life scenarios. I am a meditator and have done yoga for years, but what happens to me is a bit like what and how you'd feel if you had a large spider thrown on you whilst meditating.

Unexpected people or noises for me, is the large and unexpected spider on the yoga mat, daily, several times a day sometimes.
It's why I am now self employed and work in isolation at home. I can only keep my unwanted and unneeded fear reactions at a physically and mentally manageable level by sheltering myself from strangers and unexpected stuff. I am basically a self imposed hermit.

Which is tough, but it works whilst nothing else is yet. I am hoping the none talking PTSD treatment is going to work and help my brain and body get down to a mild panic instead of a wildly horrible feeling over reaction.
I'm so sorry that life is like this for you. I can't begin to imagine hard it is 🤗🤗🤗
 

Macavity

Well-known member
Counselling undid me. I was asked to 'revisit' things in the past and then left high and dry with the demon cell door wide open and nobody willing, able or confident enough to help me deal with the stuff that I unleashed into my NOW life.

I have an old history of physical abuse that at times made me think I might actually be accidentally killed. I have very big issues trusting strangers and authority and a startle reflex that is hair trigger. Just the toaster popping or the postman knocking sends my shoulders into my ears and makes my stomach lurch and my adrenal system fires me into run or fight type brain scenario, several times a day just by ordinary things happening. It's debilitating and embarrassing.

Does anyone normal find they are holding their breath and lurking at the far end of the room when the phone rings? It's bonkers and yet I can't switch it off or control it, it just happens and has been happening for a long time.

I've just had a letter this week to say my case has now been referred to specialist therapy for someone with aspergers and trauma. It has taken four years for me to get through the system to the right people to help me with the all these left over physical and mental issues.

A lot of my issues have been put down to being on the spectrum, obviously not all are, but it's been difficult for MH people to isolate these things when they just tend to see 'the aspergers person' and treat or don't treat accordingly.

What did not help at all and made things very much less manageable was discussing what happened in gory detail and then walking back into life alone and unsupported. Things got a lot worse after that, not better.

I'm very nervous because I have had so much failure on this so far, but I'm really hoping that someone is going to be able to help me effectively brain train to switch off the flight or fight that has become an uncontrollable state of bodily reaction to unexpected people, situations and noises.

I'd really like to break free from the prison of having an automatic terror reaction to what are and should be very normal life scenarios. I am a meditator and have done yoga for years, but what happens to me is a bit like what and how you'd feel if you had a large spider thrown on you whilst meditating.

Unexpected people or noises for me, is the large and unexpected spider on the yoga mat, daily, several times a day sometimes.
It's why I am now self employed and work in isolation at home. I can only keep my unwanted and unneeded fear reactions at a physically and mentally manageable level by sheltering myself from strangers and unexpected stuff. I am basically a self imposed hermit.

Which is tough, but it works whilst nothing else is yet. I am hoping the none talking PTSD treatment is going to work and help my brain and body get down to a mild panic instead of a wildly horrible feeling over reaction.
That sounds absolutely horrendous DC. I’m so sorry. There are lots of other ways to work with trauma other than counselling. I hope you find something that helps you.
 

Horses Gallore

Well-known member
Counselling undid me. I was asked to 'revisit' things in the past and then left high and dry with the demon cell door wide open and nobody willing, able or confident enough to help me deal with the stuff that I unleashed into my NOW life.

I have an old history of physical abuse that at times made me think I might actually be accidentally killed. I have very big issues trusting strangers and authority and a startle reflex that is hair trigger. Just the toaster popping or the postman knocking sends my shoulders into my ears and makes my stomach lurch and my adrenal system fires me into run or fight type brain scenario, several times a day just by ordinary things happening. It's debilitating and embarrassing.

Does anyone normal find they are holding their breath and lurking at the far end of the room when the phone rings? It's bonkers and yet I can't switch it off or control it, it just happens and has been happening for a long time.

I've just had a letter this week to say my case has now been referred to specialist therapy for someone with aspergers and trauma. It has taken four years for me to get through the system to the right people to help me with the all these left over physical and mental issues.

A lot of my issues have been put down to being on the spectrum, obviously not all are, but it's been difficult for MH people to isolate these things when they just tend to see 'the aspergers person' and treat or don't treat accordingly.

What did not help at all and made things very much less manageable was discussing what happened in gory detail and then walking back into life alone and unsupported. Things got a lot worse after that, not better.

I'm very nervous because I have had so much failure on this so far, but I'm really hoping that someone is going to be able to help me effectively brain train to switch off the flight or fight that has become an uncontrollable state of bodily reaction to unexpected people, situations and noises.

I'd really like to break free from the prison of having an automatic terror reaction to what are and should be very normal life scenarios. I am a meditator and have done yoga for years, but what happens to me is a bit like what and how you'd feel if you had a large spider thrown on you whilst meditating.

Unexpected people or noises for me, is the large and unexpected spider on the yoga mat, daily, several times a day sometimes.
It's why I am now self employed and work in isolation at home. I can only keep my unwanted and unneeded fear reactions at a physically and mentally manageable level by sheltering myself from strangers and unexpected stuff. I am basically a self imposed hermit.

Which is tough, but it works whilst nothing else is yet. I am hoping the none talking PTSD treatment is going to work and help my brain and body get down to a mild panic instead of a wildly horrible feeling over reaction.
That sounds so tough. I'm all for closing a door on something that you don't want to think about. I'm successful during the day, but less so at night, when my worries come out to play and I often find it difficult to fall asleep. I hope the treatment works for you, @DinosaurChickens
 

DinosaurChickens

Well-known member
Well my first therapy appointment that I have FOUGHT through the various tiers in the system to get was CANCELLED yesterday because the therapist has had to get a bloody Covid test and wait for results.
Good news is that being an Aspergers logic freak, my thinking is that one or two more weeks waiting really is a bit of a drop in the ocean after years of fighting through the system to get help, so I am , OK. ✌️
I was a bit upset though as I had got myself really geared up for it through the week and having the rug pulled out at the last minute left me all hyped up with nowhere to go.
Not the end of the world though and that is what counts.
 

CakeO'clock

Well-known member
Oh no @DinosaurChickens hoping you've had some progress now.

I'm suffering a bit after taking on a task that I probably shouldn't have done. I'm now worrying I've done it wrong. It's over now and nothing further can be done even if it was a bit wrong. Anyway, lesson learnt.

I have in general managed to Keep It Simple Stupid and not get involved in a couple of other things so there's some progress. Acknowledging I'm a fixer and someone who needs to get involved, has really opened my eyes. My plan for 2021 is to focus on my mental health and avoid my triggers. Onwards and upwards. I've also joined a mental health forum and emailed about some therapy too.
 

CakeO'clock

Well-known member
I've turned a worry and catastrophising corner and having figured that my catastrophising is the least likely outcome, I'm going to stop worrying about it and be present in the moment with my family. What will be, will be, but I can't go back in time, nor can I change anything. What I can do however, is enjoy my time with the kids off school, spend time with them, give them some nice memories (not those of a stressed out, anxious and snappy mum).

I've been sat at the table doing a colouring tablecloth with my 5yo and watched a film with my 11yo. Instead of saying no, or in a minute, I'm saying yes. Maybe this has been a turning point?

I've also not been on the laptop and hardly been on my phone. Maybe all this stress was meant to happen and maybe I should be thankful for the change of focus?
 

DinosaurChickens

Well-known member
Oh no @DinosaurChickens hoping you've had some progress now.

I'm suffering a bit after taking on a task that I probably shouldn't have done. I'm now worrying I've done it wrong. It's over now and nothing further can be done even if it was a bit wrong. Anyway, lesson learnt.

I have in general managed to Keep It Simple Stupid and not get involved in a couple of other things so there's some progress. Acknowledging I'm a fixer and someone who needs to get involved, has really opened my eyes. My plan for 2021 is to focus on my mental health and avoid my triggers. Onwards and upwards. I've also joined a mental health forum and emailed about some therapy too.
Hi Cake, yes I got my appointment shifted to early January and said I was happy to wait until then.
I'm also someone who has form for trying to take care of everyone except myself and over stretching myself to burnout levels.
My mantra has been 'manageable life' for the last three years and it has panned out very well.

But I am still left with physiological affects of physical abuse trauma that I need some help (not medicine) to get rid of.
Hoping to get EMDR therapy as I have heard it works well for autists to get rid of adrenal stress and a constant startle response to unexpected noises and stimulus.

I feel OK in my self mentally, just have a hair trigger physical adrenalin response to things like the phone ringing or the toaster popping or a door opening. Not very good with unknown people or places either currently as another symptom of violent trauma.

But otherwise about a million miles from where I was when I had a total breakdown and life collapse.

A small and manageable life was what brought me home to myself and on the right track to repaired mental and emotional health.
My psychologist was very supportive about me choosing a 'manageable life' approach to my autism and trauma and has been really good for mirroring the very positive gains I have made with it back to me.

However I have been on the list for trauma therapy for nearly 2 years now and then Covid happened and a mental health crisis exploded with people who were at very serious risk and needed crisis intervention. Which I currently don't, so given that situation and the fact the health team and my psychologist promised they would get me where I needed to be if I could bear with them for a bit longer, I was OK to wait because they do follow through, the machine just seems to take ages for the gears to move you through various levels of support and professionalism to the right person.

I had at least six assessments and got sent to useless (worse stress making) group therapy before they finally accepted that what I needed was an actual psychologist with autism specialism, way less strangers and specific trauma oriented therapy that is one to one. Got there in the end but it took a lot of distress and the need for an NHS advocate to advocate for me as an Autistic woman with specific needs that have to be met within NHS mental health therapy.

I found the online Asperger forums for women very helpful in the worst moments of self beating. Reading that other women felt the same and had gone through or were going through the same stuff made me feel a lot less of a loser and more OK to ask for help and support to recover.

This thread is a great place to be open and safe and talk about the stuff we don't on the other threads. It has been good for me to open up about my MH and Autism here on this thread. Lot's of good people here to offer support or just a thumbs up or a heart, and sometimes on a bad day, that is all I need.
 

DinosaurChickens

Well-known member
Had my MH connecting catch up with my NHS psychology person and my support worker two days ago. Haven't seen my support worker since April and she has hair that is six inches longer and looks beautiful, my psychology guy also has long hair now and a massive beard. Barely recognized either it has been so long.

Was absolutely amazingly good to see both of them and for the first time they met each other and really liked each others 'way', which is great for me as I like them both and their way works for me.

I had to go through some upsetting stuff talking through the physical and emotional issues I still have re trauma, but my Psyche man handled it like a total champ, my NHS support lady for autism loved that and I am squared away now for Autism friendly PTSD therapy with ONE person, no group work and my psyche guy is now my ONLY point of contact for all of it.

My support person is going to be right there with me and he is going to liase with her to be my support crew in PTSD appointments and I am going to finally get the help I need to nail my uncontrolled physical adrenaline responses to stimuli and it is all going to be autism friendly via an autism advisor to the practice.

I finally have person centered support and specific targeted therapy that is not going to mean ANY MORE STRANGERS or system bouncing.
I am so happy and it has taken two years of mission, but I am OK with that too because I am right where I need to be and with the right people now.

Had a hard couple of days after it, hence not here, but today I readjusted and realized I am finally sign posted and sorted towards my mental health goals and that is so good.

Was so good telling my psyche guy about how well I have done in building the manageable life that we talked about a year ago and he was so genuinely pleased for me because he is a believer in a desire for self driven mental health and he has fully supported me as an autist whilst not letting me get tangled in 'normal people' shame stuff that I tend to do when failing.

He has an amazing sense of humour and pities nobody.

I actually love both of my mental health people because they are like the surgeons that save your life to me. They have both taken me towards everything that I couldn't do by myself and was too scared and ashamed to talk about.

Brilliant mental health people and good at their job NHS support workers who are good, are life changing for people who are willing to be helped by those who prove they are both very smart and absolutely real and trustworthy.

I love my two so much and I am someone who was abused by residential social workers aged 14. So it is a big deal to have finally got a solid two who I trust as key working people helping me to recover from my damaging past.

I have been massively bounced around for two years, but I am there now and with two trusted people who are going nowhere and that is what counts for me.
 
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